Originally posted on April 20, 2020 @ 12:15 am
Space Exploration Set For Collision Course
It seems it’s about to get a little sloppy now that mega-corporations have taken to space exploration. The celebration of SpaceX’s successful launch of its Crew Dragon capsule ended prematurely hours after leaving the earth’s atmosphere. The rocket switched course and headed directly for Virgin Galactic’s Space Clam. Virgin’s own craft was secretly launched last month and is currently orbiting earth. The Space Clam was in its 4th week of its mission, carrying a load of seamen which were on a sightseeing mission.
Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Galactic, released this statement just an hour ago.
“This is a real shame. At this hour, it appears we’re about to get fucked!”
Seamen In Grave Danger
Virgin released the names of the seamen on board the Space Clam:
- Samuel J. Lester
- Perry McMurtry
- Evan Foster
- Richard “Dick” Bollinger
- Michael Franks
Experts have calculated it’ll be less than 6 hours before the SpaceX capsule penetrates Virgin’s clam, sending a batch of seamen jettisoning to their likely deaths. NASA has reported a plan to save a least a few of the travelers if they can somehow eject themselves from the clam using jet-propelled life-pods. The plan is set to hop aboard a Tesla Roadster which is still orbiting in outer space from a past SpaceX launch of the Falcon Heavy rocket. Once accomplished, they would be able to drive this electric car through space until yet another space company, Planetary Resources, launches its ‘PR Space Wrecker’ to tow the batch of seamen back to earth.
Questioning Virgin’s Status
Experts from NASA remain confused after learning about the Virgin Galactic Space Clam’s launch and mission and what is has to do with space exploration. Marcus Doubtfire, head of NASA’s affiliates program, stated,
“Many questions remain about why the Clam is in orbit. And why a Virgin craft would even be populated with a load of seamen to begin with.”
No response has been issued yet by Virgin Galactic, but the U.S. Navy has acknowledged that it is indeed their seamen inside the Clam.
We’ll have more on this story as it develops…
Patrick Kill is a happy nihilist who specializes in writing the most absurd, iconoclastic humorous dark fiction around. At 6’1’’, he is the tallest midget on earth. He is a competitive eater…of children. He prefers footie pajamas with someone else’s feet in them. He fishes for dead bodies in drainage ditches during the day and traps for yeti at night. He is the most ridiculous man in the world. His favorite saying is: “I don’t always eat humans, but when I do, it’s dos Mexicanos. Stay evil, my friends.”