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How the Pandemic Has Changed the Headlines
By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on November 1, 2020
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Originally posted on March 19, 2020 @ 1:27 pm

Within a matter of just days, the media has shifted its attention to the Covid-19 threat in the United States. Headlines once focused on Trump, now everything seems to be linked to the Coronavirus. Here are 12 headlines from the past few days…

WORRIED HOW THE PANDEMIC WILL AFFECT HIS PRESIDENCY, TRUMP RELEASES ORIGINAL DRAWING OF AN ANTISEPTIC BORDER WALL THAT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED CORONAVIRUS FROM ENTERING INTO THE U.S.

HOUSTON ASTROS SECRETLY CELEBRATE POSTPONEMENT OF MLB SEASON
“As a team, each of us have become experts in social distancing.”

JOE BIDEN’S POLL NUMBERS GROW AS HE WINS OVER #METOO MOVEMENT THANKS TO CDCs WARNING TO LIMIT CLOSE CONTACT WITH WOMEN TO ABOUT 6 FEET

BLEEDING THROUGH THE EYEBALLS AND ANUSES NOT SYMPTOMS OF COVID-19, THAT’S SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT

CNN’s ANDERSEN COOPER AND SANJAY GUPTA REFUSED TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS AT THE ‘CORONAVIRUS: FACTS AND FEARS’ TOWN HALL BECAUSE I’M A TRUMP SUPPORTER
Legit questions: “Can the Coronavirus be carried through semen?” and “Is there really such a thing as a Boner virus?”

JUSSIE SMOLLETT ATTACKED BY WHITE MEN WIELDING BOOGERS, SHOT POINT-BLANK BY STRAY LOOGIE
Police Yet To Rule This As A Crime of Secretion

TRUMP ANGRY THAT MEDIA’S COVERAGE OF THE PANDEMIC HAS ECLIPSED FOCUS ON HIS PRESIDENCY

NASA SENDS FIRST HUMAN TO MARS TO BEGIN COLONIZATION AND NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

AMIDST COVID-19 FEARS, FOX CANCELS ALL SHOWS EXCEPT FOR ‘THE MASKED SINGER’
The decision was made in part due to the fact that contestants were forced to wear masks and really no one cared if they lived or died anyway

XFL RETURNS, SEEKING LEGITIMACY AND HIGHER RATINGS BY EMBRACING PANDEMIC
New rules include no helmets and defensive lineman must test positive for Coronavirus and are allowed to spit in the face of the quarterback after each sack

WHITE HOUSE FORCES ALL MEDIA TO TAKE TEMPERATURES BEFORE ENTERING BRIEFING
CNN appeals new rule after its correspondence are tested via rectal thermometer while Fox News reporters get forehead scans

HOLLYWOOD COUPLE NOW REGRET NAMING TWINS ‘CORONA’ AND ‘COVID’
“We wanted something unique to set them apart, like ‘Apple’ or ‘Blue Ivy’.” Now 19-year-olds Corona V. Russ (born Corona Veronica Russ) and Covid V. Russ (born Covid Vern Russ), both struggling actors, may forever be socially stigmatized


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