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Patrick Kill
Patrick Kill

Patrick Kill is a happy nihilist who specializes in writing the most absurd, iconoclastic humorous dark fiction around. At 6’1’’, he is the tallest midget on earth. He is a competitive eater…of children. He prefers footie pajamas with someone else’s feet in them. He fishes for dead bodies in drainage ditches during the day and traps for yeti at night. He is the most ridiculous man in the world. His favorite saying is: “I don’t always eat humans, but when I do, it’s dos Mexicanos. Stay evil, my friends.”

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The Ghostwriter Cupid

Most people don’t know this, but I ghostwrite for dating sites. I take on paying clients to write their online profile bios. With so many people using these services, this is a very lucrative market. I write your bio, enhance your profile…I get paid, you get laid. Check out some of my work…

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Before You Take Viagra, Read This Shocker!

In a recent study, researchers have discovered that not only does Viagra help erectile dysfunction, it also leads to the shrinkage of the heart.

Now, you’re probably trying to guess where I’m going with this…that I’ll be making some crack about all the blood going to the penis, therefore deflating the heart muscle.

But, you’re wrong.

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Top-10 Signs You’re A Fatty

(For Men)

Obesity is now a global epidemic in Western Civilization. So much so, that being fat is the new norm, overweight can be classified as sometimes “on the skinny side” and most men have no real concept of how fat they really are. Here is a handy list of signs to watch for that will help the average male determine if they’re too fat.

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SpaceX Crew Dragon On Collision Course With Virgin Galactic’s Space Clam

It seems it’s about to get a little sloppy now that mega-corporations have taken to space exploration. The celebration of SpaceX’s successful launch of its Crew Dragon capsule ended prematurely hours after leaving the earth’s atmosphere. The rocket switched course and headed directly for Virgin Galactic’s Space Clam.

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Top-10 Most Anticipated Porn Spoofs of 2019

Now that the Oscars are finally over, we can now focus on the most anticipated full-length feature porno-films now in (re)production. The Woodies, the porn industry’s answer to the Oscars, will surely see several of these films nominated for best picture, including Mary Queen of Twats and Fantastic Breasts: The Crimes of Grindlewad, MD.

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From Momo to Nono

A New Dangerous Internet Threat

Last month, as if borne from the fake Momo challenge, something far more sinister surfaced. Reports have surfaced that the idea behind The Momo Challenge was replicated by hackers who infected the internet with a new creature called “Nono.”

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Groundhog Day: A Redneck Variation

So this is the day that all Midwesterners look forward to. After a long and hellish, cold-as-fuck winter, the groundhog awakens from a long winter’s nap, and goes outside his den to look for his shadow.

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