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You have been lured to the website dedicated to author Patrick Kill. He specializes in writing the most absurd, iconoclastic humorous dark content on the web. If you have an openly weird mind, welcome to the Cult of Kill!


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Swan Lake Cover Reveal

Coming from Death To Humans in March 2021…

By Patrick Kill Posted in News on February 16, 2021 Continue reading
The Hiatus Has Ended!

Time To Piss Off A New Generation…

So if your 2020 hasn’t been fucked up enough, my entire backlist has been sold and is now going back into print. In fact, a good chunk of stories have already been made available, but no official announcements have been made…until now. So it’s been around 15 years since I had written my last story. […]

By Patrick Kill Posted in News on November 29, 2020 Continue reading
How the Pandemic Has Changed the Headlines

Within a matter of just days, the media has shifted its attention to the Covid-19 threat in the United States. Headlines once focused on Trump, now everything seems to be linked to the Coronavirus. Here are 12 headlines from the past few days…

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on November 1, 2020 Continue reading
B. L. O. G. (Blissful Literature of God #2)

Entry 2: Kobe!

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series B. L. O. G. Series

Originally posted on May 25, 2020 @ 12:20 amHello my Kobe-adoring children. God here. I know everyone is feeling glum now due to Kobe Bryant’s untimely passing and want answers. But before I provide the answer to why this tragedy occurred, I wanted to tell you a little story. I was first introduced to the […]

By Patrick Kill God Posted in B.L.O.G. Series on September 29, 2020 Continue reading
On This Day in History…

January 1-31

This entry is part 1 of 1 in the series This Day In History

Some of the entries are actually worth a good laugh, some may come across as head-scratchers and others just flat-out trunk-story bombs. I’ve just completed an entry for each day in January, so see what you think…

By Patrick Kill Posted in On This Day In History on September 24, 2020 Continue reading
An Open Letter To Al Gore

So in lieu of allowing you to spread misinformation uncontested, I have decided to form the UGWA (United Global Warmer’s Alliance). We will become a million strong before year’s end and consist of mostly people in states where the winters are hellishly cold.

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on September 23, 2020 Continue reading
Serial Killers You’ve Never Heard Of Who Quit After The Media Gave Them Dumb Nicknames

All of these serial killers still remain at large, obviously too embarrassed to ever kill again for fear of getting caught and linked to the nicknames.

The following did NOT make my list: The Walmart Walloper, Fort Worth Farter, Phantom of the Oprah, The Piggly Wiggly Executioner, The Spokane Spooner, Tallahassee Testicle Tickler, Montreal Midget Mangler, and The Quebec Queefer.

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on September 17, 2020 Continue reading
B. L. O. G. (Blissful Literature of God #1)

Entry 1: An Introduction

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series B. L. O. G. Series

Hello my children. God here.

For centuries people have been complaining that I never talk to them or give them signs of my existence. I hear countless prayers each day regarding this subject, so I thought I’d open up my own blog and talk to everyone at once. I’ll answer some prayers and just post My Eternal Wisdom. It’s about time I caught up with you human’s technological revolution, so I plan on popping down to earth from time to time in human form, visiting a Starbux and a library and posting on this blog.

By Patrick Kill God Posted in Articles, B.L.O.G. Series on September 16, 2020 Continue reading
Top-10 Most Anticipated Porn Spoofs of 2020

Now that 2020 in almost here, we can now focus on the most anticipated full-length feature porno-films now in (re)production. The Woodies, the porn industry’s answer to the Oscars, will surely see several of these films nominated for best picture.

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on September 11, 2020 Continue reading
A Case For Cannibalism

When Meat Is Actually Murder

This past weekend I woke up especially early, craving meat. Not beef, chicken, fish or pork, but that of the human variety. Never has this happened before. Usually I get cravings, especially for Mexican, like a nice burrito or chimichanga, but never for some guy named Jose.

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on September 2, 2020 Continue reading
The Ghostwriter Cupid

Most people don’t know this, but I ghostwrite for dating sites. I take on paying clients to write their online profile bios. With so many people using these services, this is a very lucrative market. I write your bio, enhance your profile…I get paid, you get laid. Check out some of my work…

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on September 1, 2020 Continue reading
Before You Take Viagra, Read This Shocker!

In a recent study, researchers have discovered that not only does Viagra help erectile dysfunction, it also leads to the shrinkage of the heart.

Now, you’re probably trying to guess where I’m going with this…that I’ll be making some crack about all the blood going to the penis, therefore deflating the heart muscle.

But, you’re wrong.

By Patrick Kill Posted in Articles on August 28, 2020 Continue reading

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